Calling all control freaks! Calling all control freaks! I think I could write a thesis on thinking that I am in control, then God having to reveal to me that He is ultimately in control, again and again. This is sort of my story and song. God has had to remind me over and over, “I am the Alpha and Omega, Mo.” Actually, though this may seem tough for some of us leader/type A people to hear, it actually is comforting to me. Revelation 1:17 says, “Then He placed His right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last.”
Here is what the past week has felt like to me, CHAOS! Well, to those of you type B, laid back people, it would probably have been completely fine, going with the flow and just seeing how the next moment presents itself. Well, for me, it’s not so easy. I have started my days like I always do; caffeinated and Christ-centered. I have written out my to-do’s for the day, and began my day thinking that these to-do’s might actually all happen and in the order that I wrote them. Well, this week, a lot of these things happened, but it sort of felt like they happened the way I make goulash, all jumbled in together simmering over the heat.
My past few days I have been running down hill in the ministry. Of course, just like I always have done in the past, I have said yes to things quickly before consulting God and because I will not break my word, these tasks have bugged me while I have been doing them, just to check them off my list.
I’ve had to do my normal tasks I am responsible as a wife, mother and ministry leader, but I’ve added in a few extras just thinking, “Oh, I got this. I’m a good time manager.” Then, boom, God shows me that I am 45 and not 25 and I have to start practicing more wisdom as my hair gets grayer, and my skin gets more freckly.
I’ve found myself twice this week at the end of the day, just craving my bed, and wanting to start over tomorrow with a better plan. Only to sit quietly before God and say, “Yes Lord, your will be done. Not mine.” I get it, I get it. God is right. I need to get wisdom. I need to say “NO!” I need to be still.
So, today, I’m doing what God has called me to do. I’m sitting in my pajamas, writing. I have two chapters to write in my next book, and they aren’t going to write themselves if I get distracted and say yes to other things. I’m going to catch up on my study and my laundry. Because when I get behind on both of those things, things start getting kind of smelly around here.
Yes Lord! You are boss.