I spoke on stage yesterday and just like he always does, the enemy attacked me right after with “feelings” of inadequacy. Usually I can count on the adrenaline of the evening masking his immediate attack until at least we get home and I sit on the couch for a second and get quiet. But, this month, he struck right after I got off stage.
I questioned the effectiveness of the message, how my delivery looked, whether it helped anyone or not, and so much more. Every time one of these negative thoughts came, I kept rebuking it quietly and pressing on. I slept like a baby as I was very tired from speaking. I was thankful to God for restful sleep.
This morning, encouraging messages came across my Facebook page and by text. I just kept thanking God for His attention to my feelings. He knew I needed these and I kept thanking the person for their encouragement and thanking God for how much He loves me.
If God’s love towards me wasn’t enough, I think He wanted to supernaturally bless my socks off today. I don’t normally listen to myself teach. It’s uncomfortable. But, today God and Tommy encouraged me to listen to the message that was recorded from last night. As it may help me quiet some of the insecurities. I was putting away groceries and starting tonight’s dinner so I decided to hit play.
After I listened to my message, I went and took my dog Tyco for a walk. I said out loud, “God, thank you for making me listen.” The Holy Spirit said, “It didn’t look as bad as it felt, did it?” I said, “No God, thank you!” Here’s the thing. Giving a message can sometimes feel a lot more at ease than other times. Sometimes the anointing can be so strong that I feel a Holy Ease through the entire message, but, sometimes, it’s work. Sometimes I’m more thirsty and my mouth is dry, more nerves kick in and sometimes I just have to press. Last night was one of those times. But, God showed me, it didn’t come across as strained as it felt. I just thanked him and kept walking Tyco.
Tyco and I started up our normal path for our walk when a man came walking straight at us on the sidewalk from the other direction. I thought to myself, I’ll keep walking towards him then when he gets close I will walk on the grass so he isn’t afraid of Tyco. The man decided to walk to the other side of the road instead. As he was crossing I smiled at him and he asked, “Hey, aren’t you on that church TV station?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “I watch it all the time.” I thanked him. Then immediately I looked up to the sky and thanked God.
I thought to myself. I wonder if he is an angel. You know, I’ve never seen this man walking our neighborhood before. Today was the first time, and quite honestly, God’s timing was as perfect as it always is. This man’s encouragement was so heartwarming and opposite of everything my “feelings” were screaming at me. It was obvious, God set it up. I’m just over the moon in love with God. He heart is so kind. His plan is so amazing, His Perfect love is beyond compare, and His timing is absolutely perfect.
Was he an angel? I really don’t know. But, he sure was an angel to me.